Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
