So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
