there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
