We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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