i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
