Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
