I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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