I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
