I need help removing her.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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