Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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