Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
