She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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