Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
