READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
