I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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