yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
