he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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