good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
