Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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