So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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