i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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