It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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