i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
