Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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