Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was CRYING into my vagina
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
