i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
