also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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