if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i will never coherently bang her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
