He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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