i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
