i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
