Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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