those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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