So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
