I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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