That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
