its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
