I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
