p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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