Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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