remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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