go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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