So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
smell my finger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
