Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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