Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
