is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
