Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize