Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
