hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize