I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
