pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she peed on how many people?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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