$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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