he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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