My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
