That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hippo gnu deer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
