hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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