Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
