my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
