I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
