Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
