I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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