I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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