I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
