dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize