You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
