You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
