i just wanna soil my oats bro
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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