I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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