Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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