i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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