OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
